


Fetishes, Contract Negotiations and Strip Shootout Games

by tillyenna



Series: 15-16 Draft GC [22]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, No Fourth Wall, cale makar is a massive nerd but we love him, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27013330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: It's the mega chat :D
Relationships: Auston Matthews/Frederik Andersen, Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, Connor McDavid/Leon Draisaitl, Dylan Strome/Alex DeBrincat, Eddie Lack/Robert Luongo, Jeff Carter/Mike Richards, Matthew Tkachuk/Everyone, Michael Latta/Tom Wilson, Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon, Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, cale makar/carter hart
Series: 15-16 Draft GC [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776370
Comments: 44
Kudos: 144





	Fetishes, Contract Negotiations and Strip Shootout Games

Davo:

| 

@Tyson SR! WELCOME TO THE TEAM!!!!  
  
---|---  
  
Drai:

| 

^ what he said. It’s going to be good playing with you.  
  
EJ:

| 

I believe it’s pronounced “actual Tyson”  
  
Josty:

| 

😂  
  
TBear:

| 

AHHHHH Thank you :D  
  
TBear:

| 

Honestly, I had other teams offering me more  
  
TBear:

| 

But the thought of getting to play on a team where I’m not the only queer guy and I KNOW I’m not the only queer guy  
  
TBear:

| 

Not that I miss the avs or anything…. But….  
  
Burky:

| 

EJ tried to persuade us all to strike until they offered to sign you  
  
TBear:

| 

I know  
  
TBear:

| 

Who do you think convinced him not to?  
  
Nate:

| 

Sure AF wasn’t me :P  
  
Davo:

| 

Honestly thought you’d signed with us so you’d be in their conference  
  
TBear:

| 

Was also a deciding factor.  
  
TBear:

| 

How is everyone getting on with goalie roulette?  
  
Willy:

| 

Don’t  
  
Willy:

| 

I’m in literal actual mourning  
  
Taze:

| 

Yeah, can we just…. Not.  
  
Kaner:

| 

Can somebody find some good news from somewhere  
  
Kaner:

| 

Because yeah, we need it right now  
  
Taze:

| 

@stromer how’s your shit coming along?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Well I offered to play for free as long as I could stay with Brinks  
  
Stromer:

| 

And have a ntc that specified only could be traded to teams with either brinks or Davo on  
  
Stromer:

| 

But my agent said no ☹  
  
Brinks:

| 

I can legit picture you doing that babe  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I mean, technically my trade news was good news  
  
Richy:

| 

NO IT WAS NOT  
  
Richy:

| 

Jesus, we had ENOUGH PINING during the Carolina years  
  
Carts:

| 

Yeah, we cannot cope with more fucking pining from you Staalsy  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Yeah, but what if I actually say something to him about it this time?  
  
Danny:

| 

LIKE WE’VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE  
  
Stromer:

| 

Wait, do you have a CRUSH? Aren’t you like… too old for that?  
  
Sid:

| 

LMAO burn from the rookie  
  
Sid:

| 

You ARE too old for your crush btw Eric  
  
Sid:

| 

And I hate to agree with the flyers  
  
Sid:

| 

But you have literally said a million times before that you’ll tell him how you feel  
  
Claude:

| 

It still hasn’t happened  
  
Freddie:

| 

I feel I should point out, like, there’s no such thing as too old for a crush  
  
JT:

| 

Yeah, like, someone can still be stupid cute  
  
JT:

| 

And make your brain all weird  
  
JT:

| 

EVEN FOR OLD GUYS LIKE US  
  
Marns:

| 

Disallowed  
  
Marns:

| 

Everyone knows you old guys can’t get crushes anymore  
  
Teeks:

| 

Maybe they have lil blue pills for crushes too  
  
Marns:

| 

😂  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Wait, Sid, I thought you said you didn’t MIND us anymore  
  
Sid:

| 

I don’t mind you, or Patrick…  
  
Sid:

| 

That’s my limit on flyers to tolerate  
  
Teeks:

| 

Noted that I didn’t make the cut :P  
  
Sid:

| 

Stop winding up my best friend and then we’ll talk  
  
Stromer:

| 

Is Malkin your BAE? Because Hartsy tells me that people on the internet think he’s your baeee  
  
Sid:

| 

@Tazer any clues?  
  
Taze:

| 

Kaner translate the rookie for us  
  
Kaner:

| 

Nah. You’re all too old  
  
Kaner:

| 

@stromer malkin and cros are like BAE but not like, baeeee, you’re fine.  
  
Stromer:

| 

YOU ALSO SAID THAT ABOUT YOU AND TAZE THOUGH  
  
Kaner:

| 

I distinctly did NOT say that taze was BAE, I said he was my forever boy. That’s different  
  
Cale:

| 

Also, Stromer, if you bring up Sid/Geno stuff, Nate gets grumpy  
  
Cale:

| 

He sulks.  
  
Nate:

| 

I DO NOT SULK  
  
Nate:

| 

I just think it’s WEIRD ok?  
  
Nate:

| 

Like, Sid is CLEARLY out of Geno’s league  
  
Willy:

| 

Yeah, but so is Malkin’s wife…  
  
Willy:

| 

So there’s gotta be something pushing him up a league 😉  
  
Sid:

| 

I’d really appreciate it if we could stop this convo  
  
Chucky:

| 

Can confirm Malkin isn’t into dudes like, at all, though.  
  
Chucky:

| 

If that helps?  
  
Marns:

| 

:O DID YOU JUST OUT HIM AS STRAIGHT?  
  
Willy:

| 

That’s not a thing  
  
Willy:

| 

$100 says you only know because you asked him  
  
Chucky:

| 

No bet :P of course I asked him  
  
Latts:

| 

DUDE, you cannot just go round asking the RUSSIANS that kind of thing  
  
Richy:

| 

I find your brazenness simultaneously terrifying and really unsurprising  
  
Carts:

| 

Richy’s been reading his word a day book again  
  
Richy:

| 

Fuck off  
  
Josty:

| 

HANG ON  
  
Josty:

| 

CALE SPOKE IN THE CHAT  
  
Josty:

| 

I MUST MOCK HIM  
  
Cale:

| 

Fuck off Josty  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Fuck off Tys  
  
Hartsy:

| 

He will legit leave if you start this up again  
  
EJ:

| 

Why is it weird for Cale to speak in this chat?  
  
Cale:

| 

Theresacoupleofnamesinherethatistillfindveryintimidating  
  
Josty:

| 

#goaliefetish  
  
Lack:

| 

WAIT, IS THAT A THING?  
  
Lack:

| 

A goalie fetish I mean?  
  
Cale:

| 

😳  
  
Cale:

| 

No Mr Lack, it’s just my teammates chirping.  
  
Cale:

| 

I don’t really have a fetish.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Erm. Babes…  
  
Cale:

| 

🤨  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Can confirm. 0% goalie fetish.  
  
Lack:

| 

But do we think it’s a thing that people HAVE?  
  
Lu:

| 

It’s a thing that YOU have.  
  
Lack:

| 

That’s what I mean.  
  
Lack:

| 

Like, what if I’m not the only one…  
  
EJ:

| 

You’re not the only one  
  
EJ:

| 

Can confirm salad boy ONLY finds the goalies hot  
  
Cale:

| 

STOP IT  
  
Cale:

| 

THAT ISN’T TRUE  
  
EJ:

| 

Name one hot NHL player who ISN’T a goalie  
  
Cale:

| 

I’m not sure my boyfriend would like that.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

It’s fine ;P  
  
Cale:

| 

TRAITOR  
  
EJ:

| 

Are you with him right now Carsty Hartsy?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Yes? We’ve discussed the fact I don’t like that name.  
  
EJ:

| 

Apologies. Carter Harter. How fucking red is he right now?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

🤷♂️  
  
Josty:

| 

He’s R/G colorblind like me  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Can confirm he keeps burying his face in my leg in embarrassment though so….  
  
EJ:

| 

Still hasn’t answered the question either  
  
Cale:

| 

I’M THINKING  
  
EJ:

| 

And yet when we asked you who was cuter out of Pricey and Holtby  
  
EJ:

| 

THE ANSWER WAS INSTANEOUS  
  
TBear:

| 

Also… may I remind you THAT YOU ARE AN AV  
  
TBear:

| 

And therefore always have an obvious out on the “name a cute NHL player”  
  
Nate:

| 

He doesn’t think Landy’s cute…  
  
Cale:

| 

He’s just too…  
  
Cale:

| 

Like, he’s too pretty  
  
Cale:

| 

And he’s really NICE…  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I worry what that says about me.  
  
Cale:

| 

Your favourite meme is you having a carey price devil on your shoulder  
  
Cale:

| 

Would we call you ‘nice’?  
  
Marns:

| 

I do kind of get the ‘nice guys aren’t as hot’ thing  
  
Marns:

| 

But landy is a fucking stud  
  
Marns:

| 

And you could have at least used that as an easy out  
  
Cale:

| 

I wouldn’t want to lie about it though  
  
Danny:

| 

How are the rookies all SO ADORABLE  
  
EJ:

| 

Really interesting fact for you here Danny  
  
EJ:

| 

CALE IS YOUNGER THAN YOUR ELDEST SON  
  
Danny:

| 

I AM NOT A CRADLE ROBBER  
  
Richy:

| 

#giroux  
  
Cartsy:

| 

#babyg  
  
Teeks:

| 

G is like the MOST OLD  
  
Teeks:

| 

No-one could be cradle robbing with G  
  
Richy:

| 

Thoughts briere  
  
Richy:

| 

If claude was YOUR rookie, and TK is HIS rookie  
  
Richy:

| 

Is TK like your grandrookie  
  
Danny:

| 

Nope.  
  
Danny:

| 

I KNOW the shit that kid gets up to  
  
Danny:

| 

I’ll adopt Carter as my grandrookie  
  
Lack:

| 

NOOOOOOOO  
  
Lu:

| 

Yeah, Eddie and I want the baby gay goalie rookie as OUR rookie  
  
Lu:

| 

It’s only fair  
  
Teeks:

| 

I feel unloved  
  
EJ:

| 

You can be MY rookie TK  
  
EJ:

| 

I like your chaos :P  
  
Claude:

| 

Sadly, TK IS my rookie  
  
Claude:

| 

I know this, as I know he is punishment for all the shit I pulled as a rookie  
  
Cartsy:

| 

Yeah, bet he doesn’t make it up to you the way you used to make it up to Danny though 😉  
  
Cartsy:

| 

OR DOES HE?  
  
Teeks:

| 

EW NO  
  
Teeks:

| 

G IS THE MOST OLD  
  
Teeks:

| 

And I have my manitoboan man rocket 😉  
  
Sid:

| 

Why is Patrick not on the chat btw?  
  
Sharpy:

| 

Too many patricks?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Too much reading  
  
Teeks:

| 

So like, I just read it to him  
  
Teeks:

| 

But it’s ok Cros, I informed him that he’s your favourite flyer.  
  
Tazer:

| 

He’s everyone’s favourite flyer  
  
Teeks:

| 

It’s cause he’s the hot one 😉  
  
Cale:

| 

He’s not MY favourite flyer  
  
Nate:

| 

But that’s because of your goalie fetish  
  
Lu:

| 

Sid. Stop your rookie being mean to my rookie’s boyfriend  
  
Cale:

| 

😳  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I think you killed him  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I think he might actually be dead.  
  
Lu:

| 

Ooops?  
  
Lu:

| 

😉  
  
Taze:

| 

Shit.  
  
Taze:

| 

Fucking balls.  
  
Sid:

| 

Fucking horseshit fucking call?  
  
Taze:

| 

EJ, I need a favour.  
  
EJ:

| 

?  
  
Taze:

| 

I appreciate my rookie isn’t a rookie anymore  
  
Taze:

| 

But he’s MY FUCKING ROOKIE  
  
Taze:

| 

I need you to swear you’ll look after him.  
  
EJ:

| 

You look after my boy and I’ll look after yours  
  
Kaner:

| 

You say that now, but Jonny is drafting like a 5 page document on ‘care of brandon saad’  
  
Taze:

| 

WE FOUGHT SO HARD TO GET HIM BACK  
  
Taze:

| 

I am NOT ready to lose him again.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Which Av did we get?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Zadorov  
  
Josty:

| 

Prepare to be kissed  
  
Stromer:

| 

???  
  
EJ:

| 

Zaddy is the MOST affectionate.  
  
Stromer:

| 

He’s gonna make you look SO SMALL BINKSY  
  
Stromer:

| 

Can we arrange it so he’s next to Kit in the locker room  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Is he not your boyfriend?  
  
Stromer:

| 

That has never and will never mean that I can’t mock him for being dinksy brinksy  
  
Brinks:

| 

-.-  
  
Brinks:

| 

I hate you almost as much as I love you…  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I find the rookies both adorable and confusing  
  
Carts:

| 

The rookies have their shit together WAY more than you do Staalsy  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I’ve SAID  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I’m going to say something  
  
Carts:

| 

Why not say something NOW  
  
Claude:

| 

Carts is right, what’s stopping you?  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I’m waiting for the start of the season  
  
Sid:

| 

🙄  
  
Sid:

| 

Eric’s always waiting for the perfect moment  
  
Sid:

| 

He could be on his fucking death bed and still be waiting for the perfect moment.  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I hate you all.  
  
Stromer:

| 

It’s ok, let us help  
  
Stromer:

| 

We managed to hook Connor up with Leon  
  
Drai:

| 

I’m not sure you helped?  
  
Marns:

| 

WE DEFINITELY HELPED  
  
Marns:

| 

We set up an entire group chat with the sole purpose of getting Connor a boyfriend  
  
Chucky:

| 

I definitely helped….  
  
Davo:

| 

Matthew!  
  
Chucky:

| 

:p  
  
Davo:

| 

Also I would argue that NONE of you helped  
  
Brinksy:

| 

I thought we agreed that I helped  
  
Davo:

| 

You may have helped some.  
  
Davo:

| 

NOBODY ELSE HELPED  
  
Drai:

| 

Did I help?  
  
Drai:

| 

😏  
  
Richy:

| 

I hope you’re ashamed Staalsy  
  
Richy:

| 

The kids are better at relationships than you  
  
Carts:

| 

Danny’s rookie’s rookie has a more functional relationship than you  
  
Teeks:

| 

WOAH NOW  
  
Teeks:

| 

Pats and I are NOT in a functional relationship  
  
Teeks:

| 

You take that back.  
  
Claude:

| 

You aren’t?  
  
Teeks:

| 

G…. like… NO  
  
Teeks:

| 

Patty and I aren’t functional at ANYTHING  
  
Teeks:

| 

We’re just two baby trash rats in love  
  
Claude:

| 

🤨  
  
Sid:

| 

They’re adorable  
  
Claude:

| 

You’re not getting my rookies  
  
Tazer:

| 

The way some of these trades are going it could fucking happen though  
  
Kaner:

| 

It’s just our team being torn apart from the inside out  
  
Chucky:

| 

I’m just getting like, a billion canucks  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Have you seen the Flamucks logo?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

😂  
  
Chucky:

| 

Ofc!  
  
Chucky:

| 

Although I prefer everyone referring to us as the Calcouver Fucks  
  
Chucky:

| 

More on brand :P  
  
Willy:

| 

I mean… the way YOU play the game  
  
Burky:

| 

The rest of us here are just trying to play hockey  
  
Burky:

| 

Chucky seeing how many people he can hook up with around the league  
  
Segsy:

| 

*sigh* I remember when that was MY job  
  
Kaner:

| 

You mean before your pining got TOO BAD  
  
Segsy:

| 

LIKE YOU CAN TALK!!!  
  
Kaner:

| 

HEY! My pining worked out eventually  
  
Staalsy:

| 

That means you can’t tell Segs that his won’t.  
  
Segsy:

| 

I remember when you were on team pining with me and Staalsy….  
  
Segsy:

| 

Those were the good old days.  
  
Kaner:

| 

I disagree.  
  
Marns:

| 

Team Pining?  
  
Claude:

| 

Pining over straight boys they can’t have  
  
Staalsy:

| 

OR POTENTIALLY over boys who are in the closet that we still can’t have  
  
Staalsy:

| 

No confirmation on the straight thing  
  
Segsy:

| 

But yeah, it used to be me, staalsy, sid, and kaner  
  
Willy:

| 

I was on team pining while Latts was in a different country  
  
Segsy:

| 

HOW MANY TIMES  
  
Segsy:

| 

THAT DOESN’T COUNT  
  
Latts:

| 

LDR isn’t the same as pining Tom  
  
Segsy:

| 

But then Kaner and Sid actually DID shit about their pining  
  
Nate:

| 

🙋♂️  
  
Tazer:

| 

😉  
  
Segsy:

| 

And now they have abandoned us to not be part of team pining anymore  
  
Stromer:

| 

THAT’S OK  
  
Stromer:

| 

JT can join you on team pining no?  
  
JT:

| 

-.- what now?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Y’know, for your stupid crush that you refuse to do anything about  
  
JT:

| 

DID RYAN TELL YOU?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Nope :D  
  
Stromer:

| 

Just a good guess that you just confirmed  
  
Stromer:

| 

Go join team pining like a good lil leafie  
  
Mitch:

| 

:O WHO ARE YOU PINING OVER?  
  
JT:

| 

I’m not pining.  
  
Segsy:

| 

Except you kind of just did say you were….  
  
JT:

| 

Except I’m not. Shut up segs.  
  
Cartsy:

| 

Noooo JT  
  
Cartsy:

| 

Some of us here are old and bored… GIVE US THE GOSSIP  
  
Danny:

| 

I’m informed it’s called ‘tea’  
  
Danny:

| 

So you have to give us the tea….  
  
Stromer:

| 

You want ME to spill that tea JT?  
  
JT:

| 

I want you to remember that Ryan told me about your little bubble threesome with chucky, and I WILL NOT HESTITATE TO TELL YOUR MOM  
  
Stromer:

| 

🙄  
  
Tazer:

| 

WAIT WHAT?  
  
Tazer:

| 

Please tell me you two weren’t hooking up with OTHER TEAMS PLAYERS when you should have been focusing on the playoffs????  
  
JT:

| 

⬆ or just tell your captain 😉  
  
Stromer:

| 

It was completely after we’d gotten kicked out  
  
Brinks:

| 

Like, a goodbye threesome  
  
Chucky:

| 

100%  
  
Chucky:

| 

Their focus was completely on the ice.  
  
Tazer:

| 

I believe precisely NONE OF YOU  
  
Brinks:

| 

Would I lie to you Taze?  
  
Tazer:

| 

I believe you would tell me the truth Cat, about anything except Stromer…  
  
Tazer:

| 

He is your weak spot, don’t think we don’t all know that.  
  
Kaner:

| 

Jeez, just because I have to suffer your playoffs celibacy rules  
  
Kaner:

| 

Does NOT mean the entire team does  
  
Chucky:

| 

That sounds horrific  
  
Segsy:

| 

That’s against the Geneva convention Tazer.  
  
Tazer:

| 

Actually it isn’t.  
  
Tazer:

| 

And it’s been shown to improve on ice performance.  
  
Lu:

| 

ACCORDING TO WHO?  
  
Tazer:

| 

Me.  
  
Tazer:

| 

I did a study over several years questioning several teammates about their off ice antics, and Kaner compared that to their on ice performance stats  
  
Segsy:

| 

YOU HELPED HIM WITH THAT?  
  
Kaner:

| 

Jonny is my weakness ☹  
  
Kaner:

| 

And I have terrible TERRIBLE taste  
  
Tazer:

| 

Fuck you :P  
  
Davo:

| 

I TOLD YOU GUYS THAT WAS EFFECTIVE  
  
TBear:

| 

Tell me the oilers don’t have a no dicking down during playoffs rule  
  
Chucky:

| 

They have to be IN the playoffs for that to count  
  
Davo:

| 

Ha ha you’re so funny.  
  
Cale:

| 

@Nate  
  
Cale:

| 

I FOUND HARTSY/NOLAN….  
  
Cale:

| 

I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELS NOW  
  
Teeks:

| 

Link me…  
  
Cale:

| 

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF  
  
Teeks:

| 

😉  
  
Teeks:

| 

It sounds hawt.  
  
Cale:

| 

Also did we know they play strip shootouts in Norway?  
  
Lack:

| 

WHAT?  
  
Cale:

| 

<https://www.tv2.no/v/976760/>  
  
Taze:

| 

Ok, so we did that when we were training for world jrs  
  
Taze:

| 

But it never got THAT far  
  
Lack:

| 

I was about to say I think it’s a great plan…  
  
Lack:

| 

But I’m a forward now  
  
Lu:

| 

I think it’s a GREAT idea :D  
  
Kaner:

| 

Don’t lie Jonny, you’d be more than OK with getting that naked in public  
  
Tazer:

| 

-.-  
  
Richy:

| 

I can’t keep up  
  
Richy:

| 

Like, this is like an entire teams worth of people  
  
Cartsy:

| 

Do we have enough people to make up an entire team?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Only if the three defense boys we have are prepared to play a LOT of minutes  
  
TBear:

| 

Is it really only the three of us?  
  
Cale:

| 

TEAM DEFEENSE GOOOOO  
  
EJ:

| 

Cale was playing like 30 minutes a night during the playoffs anyhow  
  
EJ:

| 

He can just play an entire game  
  
Lu:

| 

Eddie can give defense a go…  
  
Lu:

| 

Since he’s a power forward now 😂  
  
Lack:

| 

I’m a goal scoring machine  
  
Lack:

| 

And you’re just jealous  
  
Lu:

| 

🤨  
  
Lu:

| 

❤  
  
**Author's Note:**

> So the fic Cale references is one I will post shortly... he gets an advance on my fics... what can I say, I like him best :D


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